I’m in a reflective mood today. I’m not really sure why, but I get like this from time to time. Probably too much for my own good (and Justin’s good too). Justin loves to keep things light but sometimes its nourishment for my soul to step back and take a good look at my life and where the Lord has brought me, often times in spite of myself.
This reflection started last night, when I went to update my facebook profile..I hadn’t updated since I signed on over a year ago and much of what I wrote about who I was a year ago is no longer who I am today. The “About Me” section loomed. How can I possibly describe myself in a few sentences? Everything this soul and flesh is, and has been shaped and molded to be over 28 years? Impossible. After a little thought, the first thing I came up with is how different my life is now than I ever invisioned it.
Growing up my sister and I were so fortunate to do a TON of traveling. My parents were the type to, instead of getting a new car or new furniture, chose to travel and experience the world…and fortunately chose to take us kids along once we could ‘appreciate it’. Our summer trips weren’t to the beach for a week, but exotic places like Hawaii, Vancouver, Mexico, Europe.
No matter where we were, in airports all around the country or the world, in every single one I would see the vision I had for myself. I’m sure you’ve seen her. The airport business woman. I would seriously sit there at the gate and watch her type on her laptop, talk on her cell phone, so confident and dressed always in a nice suit with perfect hair and jewlery. That was going to be me, I just knew it.
Fastforward to age 22 - graduated from Clemson and worked with GE in corporate finance…perfectly fitting into my plans. Finally in 2003 I got to BE that airport business woman. I helped integrate an Austrian company GE acquired and therefore had a 6 month assignment in Europe. I traveled a ton while over there, consulting the 10 European subsidiaries of this company…and I got to travel back home to Atlanta once a month. So there I was, the airport business woman - with the nice Ann Taylor suits and typing on the laptop at the gate, so busy, so important. Even better in 2004 I had the opportunity to join the audit staff which meant 100% travel for 3 years and guaranteed at least one 3 month assigment overseas every year, and a paycheck that would make your jaw drop. cool, huh?
I didn’t pursue the opportunity. Instead I found myself turning in my resignation letter, packing up my car and leaving Atlanta eastward to Columbia, back where this story started. And now, the fact that I’m not even in the corporate world..that I take pictures at weddings and people’s kids. I don’t even own a suit anymore. What’s even crazier is that I LOVE it!!
To fully appreciate how crazy this is you really had to know me before, and how driven I was to climb the ladder to worldly success. And even more so you have to be inside of my skin - no one knows how weird it is for me every day and do this. But really it is amazing and I feel a big part of this whole story has taught me about surrender. Surrendering and letting go to the Lord. He’s teaching me more and more about this every day as I have to die to my dreams and plans for my life. This continues. I mean, don’t we always have plans for ourselves? Ways we picture our lives to turn out? I still do - even though they are completely different than 10 years ago. Although my plans no longer include living in a cool condo in a big city - my plans now look totally different. But there are still some things I want out of life…things I want so badly it hurts. Surrender beloved, that is what my Lord is speaking. Surrender completely.
I am more at peace and love my life now more than I ever did when I was jet setting around the world. God really does have a plan for our lives, friends, and He really does know best. Such a simple concept, and really Christianity 101 but how would things be different if I really believed this in my heart and not just with my lips? Surrender isn’t a one time thing but really I must surrender daily and for my lifetime. I want to open my hand to Him today and forever.
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
Eph 3:20-21
(*Another picture post coming soon! Some images from a session with sweet Molly I shot this week* )
